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Is Sex With Robots the Key to Living Longer?


As guys, we’re pretty much open to any sort of sexual experience out there, except like, dolphin humping. That’s weird. So, when we heard there’s some research going on about sex with robots, we lost a little of our faith in the human race, but were also slightly intrigued.Do fan-freakin-tastic orgasms make you live longer? Nothing is proven yet, but we’ll speculate a big hell yes. Recently, Transhumanity agreed with us and came up with an offbeat solution to extending those years, or at least attempts to do so– robot lovers.

Basically, robots are being designed with sex skills that would make any freak-of-a-lady’s panties drop, resulting in “longevity orgasms,” which is the scientific term for the kind of sex that ends in a high-5 of astonishment and appreciation. Except, you’re exchanging high-5’s with a robot.

The thing is, we have a huge bone to pick with these scientists, because this whole robot sex deal is only for women, so far. It also means said machines would be decreasing our chances of getting laid, and we’ll be forced to take care of things solo because of some bionic horny dude.

We don’t care if robo-nookie makes our women live longer. If something’s ruining our time in the sack with their Cylon-level cunnilingus,  we’re liable to short circuit.

Next: The Closer You Live to a Bar, The More You Drink

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