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The Midnight Writer

The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
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Guy Fired For Getting in Argument Over Work Printer and Threatening to ‘Shoot Up the Place Like Newtown’

In the heat of argument, people sometimes say some dumb things. For example, I once got in an disagreement with a coworker and told him that I was going to piss in his coffee. I didn't mean to say that. I meant to say "in his desk drawer" but it was all cleared up the next day when he reached into his desk drawer. He was so surprised he spit out the cup of piss I made him!

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Category: Dumb Criminals, Weird News Tags:
Willy Wonka
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I’m Almost Certain Willy Wonka Was a Pedophile [HALF A MAN]

His bulbous thumb jammed the pause button and the miniature needle slowly scraped against the disc. He asked if we needed to hear it again. The idling boombox, eager to continue on it's predestined rotation, made a whizzing noise in an oddly quiet classroom of two dozen teens

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Courtney Lenz Baltimore Ravens
Larry French/Getty Images
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Courtney Lenz, Baltimore Ravens Cheerleader, Claims She Wasn’t Included on Super Bowl Trip Because of Weight

Courtney Lenz, a five year veteran of the Baltimore Ravens cheerleading squad, is claiming the team left her off the trip to the Super Bowl because of her "slight weight gain." Oh deer! Sorry, I meant dear. Force of habit with this squad.

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Upclose Photo of Nose Hairs
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Here is Why I Can’t Wait To Stop Trimming My Nose Hairs [Half a Man]

It was, by far, the largest clump of nose hair thine eyes had seen in the flesh. A county fair worthy thatch of hair protruding out the left nostril, like weeds who had found a small sidewalk crack out of which to flourish. It was mesmerizing, snow white, and honestly I couldn't stop since he boarded the train.

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Category: Humor
Dan Sullivan Monmouth University
YouTube
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Watch this College Football Player Casually Complete a 65” Box Jump

For some people, athleticism looks boring. Take Dan Sullivan for example, a 6'2, 235 pound linebacker from Monmouth University in New Jersey. He makes this 65" box jump look like he was skipping over a puddle and onto a curb as to not ruin his brand new kicks.

Hones

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Category: Sports, Videos Tags:
Philippi Stainless Steel Yap Money Clip
Cufflinks.com
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Stainless Steel Paper Clip is So For Money and It Doesn’t Even Know It

Back before we were pulling in mad cash for writing this blog, several of the writers and editors used common office supplies for other purposes. We used bulldog clips during office S&M sessions, scrap paper as kindling to heat the office and paper clips to hold our dollar bills together.

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Category: News Tags:

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