A 54-year-old man was acquitted of indecency on a train after a woman accused him of “playing the ‘skin flute’ while reading a newspaper, breathing heavily, and snarling.” She thought he was masturbating in public. He says he wasn’t, but his excuse for what he was actually doing, is fantastic.

Turns out the man, named Melvyn Webb, was merely “playing an imaginary banjo” as he adjusted his undies. At least that’s what he told the court, who actually believed his claim. The judge on the case told the jury that dudes who play instruments are known to “fiddle with themselves in public.” Sounds like someone is just a little too familiar with all this are we right ‘your honor?’

As for new masturbatory euphemisms – “played a mean banjo” is the new hotness. But does that make “dueling banjos” the new “crossing swords”?

[Via Daily Mail]