Scientists Discover Green Jelly After Meteor Hits Russia
I think I’ve seen this movie before. You know, the meteor lands on Earth, the movie hero, or hapless witness sees it and just has to investigate. After making contact with some sort of primordial ooze all over the space rock, he slowly transforms into…well, whatever. Okay, so that’s not what happened.
Just days after a fiery meteor came crashing down on central Russia, scientists say they have now discovered a mysterious green jelly that may be some sort of space residue or “astral jelly,” a substance commonly associated with meteor showers.
The space spooge was found earlier this week at a nature reserve in Somerset, and although authorities aren’t exactly sure what the substance is, they say it is comparable to similar matter that has been found throughout the years at the site of meteor crashes, according to Tony Whitehead, a spokesperson for the reserve. Yes kids, it appears that even space aliens ejaculate from time to time.
“In records dating back to the 14th Century it’s known variously as star jelly, astral jelly or astromyxin,” he said. “We’ve read a few articles now and much speculation. One suggested it was neither animal nor plant, and another that it didn’t contain DNA, although it does give the appearance of something ‘living’.”
However, scientists admit that they are uncertain whether the green slime is dangerous or not, so the public is being cautioned to not touch the mystery gunk and to immediately contact authorities in the event of a new discovery around the preserve. As a rule, it is never a good idea to go around playing in anything that resembles diseased spunk.
Scientists speculate that the green goo may be some form of cyanobacteria or vomitus remains of amphibian guts sometimes referred to as crystal brain fungus. Personally, we haven’t seen any sign of Green Jelly since the early nineties, but we’ve always been bigger Gwar fans. Space jizz!