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North Korea Set to Attack United States if New Seth Rogan Movie is Released

Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images
Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images

It looks like Dennis Rodman needs to put in his special ambassador piercing in his lip and travel to see his best friend, Kim Jong Un, in North Korea to calm things down.  As you may have heard from multiple news accounts that little old, oppressive Communist country north of South Korea is threatening a “merciless” attack on the United States if Seth Rogan’s new movie, “The Interview”, is released this fall.

The official news agency of North Korea, KCNA, likens the movie release to an act of war and calls the actors “gangster film makers.”  The premise of “The Interview” is simple. Rogan and James Franco are brothers who are a talk show host and producer and they score an exclusive interview with the “Mostest Supremist Highest Beloved Leader” Kim Jong Un.  When the CIA hears about it, they enlist Rogan and Franco to assassinate the tiny, bad hair cut leader.   Sounds funny, so far.  And it probably will be funny for about 40% of the movie, which is usually the norm for a Seth Rogan movie.

But the funniest aspect of this whole situation are the threats from North Korea.  This is a country that demonstrated a missile launch that at best was a back yard fireworks show in any small town city in the USA on the 4th of July.  It was the strongest showing of their military strength in years.  And on the world front, every country in the world was a little embarrassed for North Korea when the missile demonstration literally fizzled in to the sea.  We’re not sure what will constitute a “merciless” attack on the United States will be.  We imagine that Kim Jong Un will order millions of North Koreans to the shores of their starving little country and throw as many rocks as they can in the direction of the U.S.A.  Then they will stand in unison and stick their tongues out at the United States.  Yeah, that will show the world how incensed North Korea is.  We’re going to build a bomb shelter over the 4th of July weekend because we already terrified of the little leader.  Yeah, right.

Just a tiny bit of advice to the beloved leader.  Take a deep breath.  Realize that it’s just a movie and it’s being produced in a country that values freedom of speech.  You should try it sometime, Kim.  Oh, another piece of advice, execute your hair stylist.  What you have on top of your head is the real crime against humanity.

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