Man Cuts Off His Own Penis With X-Acto Knife

The San Francisco police department responded to a 911 call in which some twisted 20-year-old decided that he should cut off his own penis with an X-Acto knife. Obviously he was very concerned about precision.

According to detectives, this amateur surgeon was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol during his self-procedure. He is currently undergoing a series of psychological evaluations, which may or may not include, a group of five frightened psychiatrists armed with stainless steel jock straps and a couple of wet rubber hoses.

The feat of cutting off one’s own meat is called autopeotomy, and it apparently isn’t as uncommon as most of us would think. There have been several cases across the globe in which grown men have severed their junk in a psychotic attempt to get attention or make a point.

Although the man’s motivation for severing his member is still unknown, there is no doubt that the reasoning is just as much a product of lunacy than the act itself. After all, who gives two giant craps why someone cuts off their own junk.

Police say that the man’s amputated package was located, and even though we feel like this imbecile would be better off being put down like a rabid Chupacabra, doctors say they are working to reattach it.