Humor is Great but Honesty is Better. My Battle with Cancer Pt. 1
I do miss the energy, I will say that. It’s been awhile since I’ve had the energy to do much of anything. Going grocery shopping wipes me out as does little things like taking a shower or getting dressed. I stay tired except where it counts. Laying in bed at night.
My mind just wont shut off. I think about so many things. Some good but mostly sad. Sad to the point where I cry….yes, I cry. I think about things going bad. I know I shouldn’t but when you’re given a stage 3 cancer diagnosis it is kind of hard not to. I think about if I passed away what would happen? How would it effect my parents, my sister, my nephews and especially Brandy (my wife). I feel guilty knowing there’s a chance I won’t be around to take care of her anymore and that makes me incredibly sad. I also wonder if she would be angry with me, or resent me for dying. I honestly don’t think she would…not for very long at least until the initial hurt wore off.
I’m starting to tear up writing this but you know, I’ve always said I will be honest no matter what. And that is what I think about. I know Brandy is an incredibly strong girl and she would eventually be just fine on her own..with Hogan (our dog) of course. He loves her so much and I know he’d take good care of her. I hate that I think about this but how can I not? I try to think nothing but happy positive thoughts but that’s close to impossible. I know I’ll beat this thing, no question. But you always have to think about the other side of the coin. My family and friends who have supported me through all of this give me strength to fight on. It’s a hard fight to fight…don’t ever let anyone ever tell you different. I cry sometimes at night, wipe my eyes and pick up my sword and continue to fight. I will win, I will press on because Everyday I fight. Thanks for listening.