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Dumb Criminals

Screenshot-from-2012-08-25-0955041
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Punching a 70-Year-Old Wal-Mart Cashier Is Just a Bad Idea

Wal-Mart can drive anyone over the edge. It’s a huge place with lots of noise, sometimes surly employees, and always surly customers. On the other hand, Jacquetta Simmons let it get to her a little too much and she could spend seven years in jail because of it.

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New Line Cinema
New Line Cinema
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Man Arrested For Trying to Board Flight With 27 Snakes.

My God, what is wrong with people?  Seriously.  What misfires in a person's noodle that tells them that this kind of BS is acceptable public behavior and that he will get away with it.  Most importantly, what would Samuel L

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KSAT.com
KSAT.com
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Romantic Boyfriend Asks Girlfriend to Marry Him After They’re Arrested

The couple who robs together, stays together. Clearly that’s the hope of Sean Foxx of San Antonio, TX who managed to earn two balls and chains in one crime spree. The very romantic boyfriend of Treila Woods asked her to marry him after they were both arrested for aggravated robbery.

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ThinkStock
ThinkStock
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Man Breaks Into House, Makes Pot Pie in His Underwear AND THEN THINGS GET WEIRD

If a wild night of drinking ends with you sitting on a recliner in your underwear waiting for some food to heat up in order to starve off a bad case of the beer-munchies, that usually means that on that night, you somehow managed to run with the ranks of the wicked and wild without getting into too much trouble.

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jm
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Jackmeoff Mudd Arrested and Found Guilty of Having Greatest Name Ever

It stands to reason that a man named Jackmeoff Mudd would be up to no good. You saddle a guy with that kind of name and you almost guarantee that at some point, he’s going to get himself into some trouble. That’s exactly what happened in Ft. Lauderdale, FL recently.

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Eli Duke, Flickr
Eli Duke, Flickr
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Man Arrested For DUI — On a Bulldozer

When you see a man driving around on a bulldozer at 2 AM, chances are he’s up to no good.

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Broward County Sheriff's Department
Broward County Sheriff's Department
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Mother and Son Accused of Stealing $2 Million of Merchandise from Toys R’ Us

It is always nice to see a mother and her son spending some quality time together. That is unless they are stealing millions of dollars of toys.

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Ferrari
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Guy in Ferrari Runs Over Cop’s Foot — You Guess What Happens Next

Here is a move only an uber-douche would attempt.

The douche who ran over the cop’s foot is Julien Chabbott. Don’t know him? Neither do we. Apparently he’s Stephanie Pratt’s boyfriend. Don’t remember her? Neither do we. Turn

Casey Anthony To Be Released From Prison Over Weekend
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Man Wants To Make a Beer Run So He Calls 911 For a Ride

Behind the pock marked mask of the true alcoholic, there are times when the stranglehold of desperation cuts off the blood flow to that part of the brain that serves as a holding cell for common sense.

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Lincoln Police Department / mccun934, flickr
Lincoln Police Department / mccun934, flickr
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Guy Arrested for Stealing a Half-Full Can of PBR

Look, we know it’s hot outside, and we know there’s nothing better on a scorching day than a nice cold beer. But wielding a weapon and stealing the one someone else is already drinking?

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Eugene Oregon Police Department
Eugene Oregon Police Department
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Man Arrested for Killing Knuckle Children in Neighbor’s Homes

In a strange case of jerking and entering, an Oregon man was arrested earlier this week for allegedly breaking into people’s homes and wrestling the old bald headed champ while watching porn on their personal computers.

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devcentre, flickr
devcentre, flickr
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Mom Busted for Hacking Into School Computers to Change Kids’ Grades

Helping your kids with their homework is one thing. Breaking into the school’s computer systems to change your kids’ grades is something else entirely — but that’s what a mom in Pennsylvania is accused of doing.

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