This will probably sound ridiculous to people here in brutally hot South Texas but I rarely ever wear shorts in public. Especially at work. C'mon... you're a grown man. Short pants are for toddlers and fancy lads.

Jeans. Khakis. That's where it's at for the big boys. Unless you're working out or playing basketball, a man's ugly legs should be covered. If your boss comes to you in shorts, can you take him seriously? Can you respect him? He might as well be wearing "Toy Story" pajamas, with a flap in the back, or a big Onesy. Not me. I'm too cool.

I say all this today... while wearing a pair of plaid shorts. You beat me. I gave up. Damn you, South Texas!!! Actually last summer got hellish enough to change my tune. I finally started wearing shorts again in public. I took a lot of crap for it too.

Girls at the office told me that they didn't even think I had legs until they saw them. But here they are... ugly... shrouded in Chewbacca-esque hair. At least the hair is blond. I'd be completely screwed if I had dark hair.

I've gotta admit, it feels good. I feel free. After this personal evolution, what could be next? Swim Trunks? No way. Trunks are for pansies. I wear homemade "jorts". Either I swim in cut-offs or I swim in nothing at all.