Meet Simon Thornton, a friendly-looking butcher and member of the Godalming Council in Surrey, England. We don't know what that means, but someone is apparently not happy with Simon. Somebody in Surrey thinks Simon is a...Well, you'll see.


This 6-foot long penis was recently etched into Simon the Butcher's brand new £3,500 parking lot, after he went home for the day:

"I was happy with how it was all looking and locked up and went home for the night. When I came back the next morning I was faced with the image. It is huge."

Unsure of what to do, Simon did his best to "scrub it out" (whatever that could possibly mean) and now parks his car over it every day to hide it, because he cannot afford to have the concrete replaced.

Mr. Thornton says he believes this to be a random act of vandalism, but we're not buying it. We've all taken advantage of unattended wet cement at least once in our lives, but has anyone reading this ever engraved anything but their name? Ever? No. This was a message.