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Bill Murray Can Crash Here – The Greatest Tour That’ll Never Happen

Bill Murray
Mike Marsland, Getty Images

Earlier this week, a report indicated actor Bill Murray was embarking on a 27-date “Party Crashing Tour,” where as long as you have booze, karaoke, and some sort of sign out front that states ‘Bill Murray Can Crash Here,’ he might just show up at your house looking to party.

Unfortunately, the tour purportedly scheduled to kick off in August, is a complete fabrication. We hate to break it to you, kids – Bill Murray is not going to crash your party.

According to a report — seemingly credibly sourced by the Associated Press (‘The Ass Press’), Bill Murray and his agent, Paul Horner, conducted a press conference earlier this week announcing the tour in which Murray’s agent supposedly said, “Mr. Murray is looking to take a vacation around the United States. He’s hoping that if he shows up to your party with a bottle of wine or vegetable tray, you will be able to make the proper accommodations for him. This includes allowing him to sleep on your couch or in a spare bedroom, both of those options being completely acceptable.”

In the fake report, Murray’s agent continues by explaining some of the unique conditions of the tour.

“All we ask is that if Mr. Murray does decide to crash your party, please give him his space. He’s a human being, just like you and me. He’s just looking for a good time and a fun way to connect with fans. At these parties, Mr. Murray does not want to be called ‘Bill Murray’ but instead wants to be referred to as ‘Kaiser Soze.’ Activities that Mr. Murray enjoys are drinking and karaoke. Having those two things at your party will definitely increase your chances of him making an appearance. Also, it is extremely important that any house or location interested in participating have a sheet or banner of some kind attached to their establishment the night of the party. It must say in big bold letters, ‘BILL MURRAY CAN CRASH HERE.’ This will let Mr. Murray know at what locations he is welcome.”

Again, the story is completely made up, which became painfully obvious after we called the 24-hour Bill Murray Party Crashing Tour hotline provided in the fake report and reached the Westboro Baptist Church, the group associated with picketing funerals of U.S. servicemen and women.

So, who tried to trick all of you fine upstanding people into believing that Bill Murray was coming over with a bottle of booze, a veggie tray, and a 30th anniversary edition of ‘Caddyshack’ on DVD? The culprit is a humor site called Super Official News, which offers phony news. Shame on them for getting our hopes up.

It’s too bad though, we were really looking forward to getting Bill all liquored up and having him read from R. Kelly’s ‘Soulcoaster: The Diary of Me’ in the voice of Carl Spackler.

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