The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
10 Variations of Popular Candies You Probably Missed
People love candy: The average American spends $84 on and consumes about 23.9 pounds of the sweet stuff each year. With all that money and attention, you'd think it would be hard for a candy product to fail. Not true. Many candy products come and go without much notice. Here are 10 variations o…
8 Sexy Guinness World Records
The ultimate authority on record-breaking achievement is the Guinness Book of World Records. Some Guinness World Records are shocking. Some are insane. More than a few are downright disgusting. There are some Guinness World Records that are damn hot. From women with massive chests to balloon busting…
5 Dirty Songs Every Dude Needs in His Music Library
A man thinks about sex every six seconds. A man sings about sex every twenty seconds. Neither of those statements can be verified. Let's assume they are true.
‘Scared Straight’ for Comedians is Actually a Decent Idea
Scared Straight was a genius concept decades ago. What if it worked on comedians?
How to Be a ‘Beta Male’ — With Comedian Kumail Nanjiani
Kumail Nanjiani is more than fine with never being the person in charge.
Comedian Mike Lawrence Proves Assembling a Toy Car is Actually Child’s Play
Comics just keep dropping by our office. We find things for them to do. We were so close to making one guy do some filing. Lucky for him we don't have files.
Can’t Relate to Teens? Introducing Twerking for Moms
Are you a mom? Do you have a teen daughter you just don't understand?
Interactive Map Shows Just What Type of Smut Your State Searches For the Most
You can learn a lot about a person based on 1) where they live and 2) their internet history. Today I learned the US is filled with fans of creampies and not the kind made by Hostess.
12 Bulls**t Lines People Use During Break-ups — And What They Actually Mean
Yesterday, I overheard one dude-bro discussing with another dude-bro his flatlining relationship and the correct procedure to "dump the nut job."
How to Tell a Killer Joke — With Help From Jackie ‘The Joke Man’ Martling
At least once a week, someone in the office will seize the opportunity -- either at lunch, around the coffee machine or while we're all huddled underneath our desks for a nap -- to tell the group a joke. Nine times out of ten the joke BOMBS.
6 Ways to Use Your Mom to Pick Up Women
Every dating website will preach the importance of a "wing man." Wing men are overrated. Wing women are the key to sex-cess.
Roddy Piper Comments on Ric Flair’s Recent Arrest Warrant
'Rowdy' Roddy Piper, never a man to mince words or not speak his mind, was a recent guest on WODZ to promote an upcoming 2CW Wrestling show and Piper's Pit in Utica, NY.