55 Gallons of Lube


Don’t ask why my recent online shopping led me to stumble across this gem, just enjoy the find — a 55-gallon drum of lube for sale on Amazon.com. The Passion Natural Water-Based Lube, all 55 gallons of it, can be yours for a sale price of $1,495, marked down from $2,750! This bargain got me thinking about the possible uses for 55 gallons of lube. Here’s my top 5:

Slip 'N Slide


flickr user Sethoscope



Create Most Dangerous (But Fun) Slip ‘N Slide Ever!


Anyone can use water on their Slip ‘N Slide, but a true genius uses lube. But where would one get enough lube for such an endeavor? Amazon, that’s where. Bonus: Once the lube is poured out onto the Slip ‘N Slide, the empty drum makes for one enormous punch bowl.


Little People Oil Wrestling





All-In-One-Little-People-Oil-Wrestling Ring


This 55-gallon drum of lube gives you everything* you need to host a night of little-people oil wrestling all in one product. Just toss ‘em on in for hours of fun!

*Little people not included


Dukes of Hazzard Car Slide





Do the Sickest ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ Slide EVER!


Line up 3,000 cars, cover them in your bargain lube and do the sickest ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ slide ever. For best results, wear some rubber pants!


Jersey Shore Cast


Jason Kempin, Getty Images



Keep Entire ‘Jersey Shore’ Cast Orangey Tan For a Week


If lube works anything like baby oil, it’s a perfect substance for tanning. With 55 gallons, you could probably keep the entire cast of ‘Jersey Shore’ nice and orange for at least a week. GTL, Baby!


Nursing Home


flickr user k4dordy



A Multi-Partner Tryst With Retirement Home Residents

(Somehow that sounds better than ‘Nursing Home Gang Bang’)


Now, when you’re done gagging, let me explain. Old gals need love, too.


Smethanie, who also answers to Stephanie and Crazy Girl, publishes nonsense on Twitter and recently accepted a grilled cheese sandwich as her lord and savior.